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Cleveland Browns

7/7/14: Fantasy Football Commentary On The NFL News of The Day

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There’s no ‘real’ football action going on, but there is a bunch of off-field noise to comment on. So here’s a quick take on the 7/7/14 news, followed by something ridiculous.

– This Theo Riddick thing is getting out of control. Theo Riddick is not Darren Sproles…you can try to make him into it, but it won’t work. I know. I know. The guy from the Saints is taking over the Lions’ offense…Ebron is Graham. Stafford is Brees. Reggie is Pierre. Nate Freese is Shayne Graham, and Jim Caldwell is Sean Payton…and Riddick is Sproles.

Theo Riddick is 5’10″, 201-pounds and runs a 4.66-4.7+ 40-time. He had like 2-3 decent games in his college career. You would hardly remember anything about his college career. Darren Sproles was a ‘god’ at Kansas State…one of their best players of all-time. He runs a 4.4+ 40-time with sensational agility, which has also led to him being a great kick and punt returner in college…and the pros. Riddick returned kicks moderately as a freshman for Notre Dame, and not much after that.

Riddick and Sproles are nothing alike. Sproles was Sproles because of Sproles. The former Saints offensive assistant couldn’t make Mark Ingram into anything in New Orleans, but now he is going to churn out ‘Stepford’ Sproles and Graham in Detroit. OK. Sounds good.

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– Norv Turner is raving about his QB group. This is important news because O-C’s usually ‘diss’ their QBs publicly…

Brandon Weeden drew some rave reviews from Norv as well this time in 2013. At that same time, Phillip Rivers was being rescued by McCoy/Whisenhunt because of what the previous coach had wrought. Who was that Chargers coach before 2013?

Cris Carter is wrong, but I get where he’s coming from…you can’t cut Josh Gordon. There is no logic to it. You have to hold his rights, and hope God and/or Dr. Drew intervenes. the Cris Carter story is why you don’t cut him…because if he does turn his life, you are holding something special. If Cleveland cut Gordon, he’d be a Houston Texan (they have waiver priority) one second after the claiming period began.

If the Browns do cut Josh Gordon for his own good. They might as well do a full purge and drop Johnny Football as well, because that train has left the tracks and is careening out of control toward above-ground gas tanks.

Josh Gordon thinks Johnny Manziel needs to dial the partying back a little bit…

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Jordy Nelson contract talks are underway. Jordy will sign a deal this preseason as I have predicted. That’s not a radical comment. My following one is: They will not re-sign Randall Cobb after Jordy is locked in. Cobb will be a free agent after this year is my nickel prediction…and Cobb not on Green Bay with Aaron Rodgers could spell Fantasy Football-Dynasty doom for Cobb. 

– DirecTV is launching a Fantasy Football channel. I clipped the story below because there is something you must see. A reason why I may retire from Fantasy Football post haste. Look at this story (actually the picture) for a moment, and then proceed with my take.

 

People watching football on television
Exactly, who do they think plays Fantasy Football? The people running the story really understand us Fantasy Football players, I tell ya’. My Sundays are just like this photo. I’m sure you’re the same way. What I like to do is invite my aging, ethnically diverse, and ‘follically’ challenged friends over to watch the game. I, of course, will hold my football the entire game…so you know how much I love football.

Like me, I’m sure you tell your friends: LEAVE the authentic NFL jerseys at home, please. You can only come over if you are wearing non-team descript sports apparel.

…and hey, guys. Come on! You know the rules, don’t be silly gooses. I know I have a spacious finished basement to watch the big game, but you know how we do in mi casa. Get out of those recliners, and come over here and sit so close to me that I can smell your decaying flesh. I cannot enjoy watching football, unless we view it as if we are reenacting what would happen if three adult males had to jam into the backseat of a Toyota Corolla.

*I could also have gone with: Hey, I didn’t know John Saunders from ESPN, Sean Hannity, and Jason Alexander all watched football together. That’s sweet.

 

– R.C. Fischer is an NFL Draft analyst for College Football Metrics.com, and a football projections analyst for Fantasy Football Metrics.com. His group also provides player projections for Advanced Sports Logic’s football software “The Machine.” See “The Machine” here: The Machine via FFM

 

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